I will not beat myself up because of my past nor will I allow anyone else to. I have sacrificed a lot to have Aniya including putting school on the back burner which prolonged earning my degree. I am a woman who fights and works hard for what I want. I took a two-year break from school but now I’m back at it. It’s an adjustment and hard but I assure you, my late nights and early mornings will pay off despite what hurdles I must jump over to have success.
When I got pregnant with Aniya, I was already in school chipping away at the block and unaware that I was pregnant at that time. When it finally hit me, I was twelve weeks and one day, and I was floored when I found out. I missed the entire first trimester being focused on midterms and finals. Deciding to leave school was extremely hard for me and it was something I didn’t want to do but I had to. I didn’t have the support I needed to continue and if I stayed, I had to make sure I had a solid game plan and I honestly did not. I left school and even had to quit my job of over 6 years to raise my daughter. Putting my life on hold once again was something that disappointed me greatly and at that moment in my life, it was hard to see light and the end of the tunnel.
After being off work for almost a year, I finally went back to work and if you’ve been following my story, you know that I got fired from my first job before I found the job that I looked at as a career. Once I got myself grounded in this establishment, I decided to take the next step and go back to school. Not only did I register for classes, but I decided to take Spring/Summer classes and if you know anything about those classes, they are fast paced. The schoolwork is back-to-back and there are literally no breaks. Yes, I am a woman who has her hands full; I work, I go to school, I am a single mother, and I am doing what I can to not have my life go down the rabbit hole. Indeed, I am a person who is trying, and I want to be better for myself and my girls even if it means I must continue to sacrifice. I won’t lie, going back to school has certainly been a shock to my system but I am prepared for my journey ahead and all that comes with it.
Yes, I am excited to be continuing my education but getting my schedule in order is difficult. I drop both kids off to their morning destinations, go to work, run errands if I must, pick both kids back up, prepare dinner then attempt to do schoolwork. I am exhausted and trying to read and do assignments with a two-year-old running around doesn’t make things any better for me. There are times that I will just sit and stare at my laptop trying to figure out how I will succeed at this chapter in my life. I also have moments where I down myself for having another child before having my life in order. Shout out to those thoughts but I must remember this is life and things happen, so I must snap out of it and pick myself up and push forward. I would stay up several nights in a row until 1 and even 2am working on assignments to turn in before the deadline. I was certainly being challenged to persevere and I promise you, there were times I really didn’t think I could do it.
The moment I got done with an assignment it was like two more were coming my way. I worked hard trying to balance everything and I wasn’t perfect at it, but I did it and I had my challenges doing it. The very first assignment I turned in, I received a D, and I was devastated! We all know how hard it is to come back from that and I was freaking out especially since I was in school on a scholarship. For two days I sat in discouragement and just prepped myself to work harder. I was confused on how I failed an assignment that I took my time on and turned in on time. I emailed my professor trying my best not to be pissed and after a delayed response from her, I just decided to redo the assignment. I took advantage of the fact that I had three attempts and late assignments are just deducted a few points. There was nothing I could lose at this point, and I really didn’t want to feel like a failure, especially in front of my girls. I corrected everything that I thought was a mistake I made including changing the format I sent the assignment in; talk about having grace because that second attempt got me the A I was looking for. Not giving up showed me a valuable lesson, it showed me that I do have what it takes to turn my life around if I continue to push forward. After a few months of really pushing through, I finished the class with a solid A and patting myself on the back while doing my victory dance never felt so rewarding.
Beating All Odds
If I could give advice to any mother who is doubting her ability to change her circumstances in life, don’t! You can do this. I am a mother who is holding the entire bag with my children while receiving little help, but I make it count. Even if you must move at a slower pace, remember that it’s better than not moving at all. In life, it may seem impossible to accomplish those hidden desires but if you stay persistent every door you knock on will be open for you. I encourage you to let your light shine while conquering every dream you have and trust me when I say…your kids will thank you later. Be Blessed.