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The Insert

Updated: Aug 3, 2023

Have you ever prayed for something, I mean really prayed for something and out of nowhere, it finally happens? Everyday there is a blessing being given making someone somewhere smile from the inside out. Having those secret prayers answered really shows that God is indeed listening and watching. Waiting for your desire to find you can be very rewarding but if you aren’t routed in the word, you can kiss those blessings good-bye and as you do, pray God gives mercy and grace to see you through.

Despite my situation with Love Bug’s dad, I prayed for him to be a part of his daughter’s life. I prayed sunup and sundown and even had my best prayer warriors seeking the Lord on my behalf. My decision to enforce a separation between him and his daughter was rough, but it was something that had to be done. When he and I first started dating everything was laid out. I accepted his truth, and he accepted mine. It’s nothing like spending time with a person hoping to have a certain outcome and instead, you get lies and a betrayal that is life changing. I became pregnant but he made it very clear he didn’t want to father anymore children and was very suggestive when it came to aborting.

October was a very heartfelt month for me because it was the month her dad decided to return. He reached out wanting to meet his daughter-his only daughter to be exact and despite how everything turned out between us, I would never keep them two away from each other. The moment he walked through my door and saw Love Bug running up, his entire face lit up. I’ve known him for years and not once have I ever seen him smile the way that he did. I could tell he was extremely nervous and was trying to figure out how to break the ice with her. Here I am in my living room crying tears of joy in the inside because finally, I have the help I’ve been needing, and my daughter gets to bond with her dad. As time went on, things seemed to be going well, everything I told him his daughter needed he was providing. To me, the worry was over... until it all went left.

One thing about Love Bug’s dad is he has a lot of weight attached to him, and that weight can take you over if you let it. At my age, I prefer not to have any drama but when you are associated with a person like him, it’s almost impossible to avoid. Not even a week into meeting his daughter the chaos began and it was disappointing to even be involved in. The moment I find myself getting out of character to address a situation, that situation is not for me and in this case, it’s not for my daughter either. Within a matter of three weeks, I went from arguing with him, to arguing with others… I knew then the only resolution was to separate him and my daughter again. The more we argued, the more I doubted his genuineness in returning. I tried to stay positive but the more I tried, the worst things became. I was at my breaking point and told him exactly how I felt at that moment. I am not the type to hit below the belt but at that moment, I felt justified. Looking back on the situation, I should have never said those things to him, and I did apologize for it. In the end, I am only responsible for myself, and I should have never addressed a situation that I know I am bigger than, especially in the manner that I did.

I waited almost two years for this moment and just like that it was over. If that type of drama comes with him being a part of my daughter’s life, she and I can do without. I made it this far without him, why not keep going and if I must be honest, I don’t want to, but I will if I must. During our moments together, I realized that he and I will forever disagree about why he hasn’t been a part of my daughter’s life. Let him tell it, I allowed other’s to “run me off” and because of it, he was cut out of Love Bug’s life. It’s funny how people can forget what they don’t want to remember because I had to remind him that he wasn’t a part of his daughter’s life because he told him he didn’t want to father anymore children and suggested I get an abortion. Despite our turnout, I am left with the beautiful memory that Love Bug did meet her dad and it was a moment that was well needed. It is very unfortunate that our situation has turned out like this, but everything happens for a reason. I don’t know what the future will bring, but maybe one day the opportunity will present itself again for him to make things right so he and his daughter can have the relationship I know they can have.


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