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The Village

Writer's picture: Rebekah CobbinRebekah Cobbin

Updated: Dec 1, 2024

When you think of the word “village” what comes to mind? For me, it’s a small and strong community that knows what it means to work together for the better of all. I get judged all the time once people learn I am a single mother with not one but two of my children. They instantly develop the mindset that I am struggling with no means to do anything, or I’m in need of instant saving and neither is true. People have picked apart my whole life without knowing my story unaware that I have a village, and that village is the glue to holding everything together for me.

 

I’ve been through many trials and tribulations and through them all, I’ve lost, won, learned, and fought but there’s nothing like being surrounded by a village that keeps you going when the odds are against you, and you feel alone in a world that’s conditioned to break you.


Losing my parents and my grandparents shattered me in a way. When my life decides to take twists and turns, I must figure out a lot by myself. I am no superwoman, but I certainly do not operate out of weakness either. I handle a lot; I carry a lot, and I manage it all despite who is with me or who is against me. My mother has built a champion, and my father left behind a warrior and I am grateful for every situation that has shaped me into the woman that I am today. Growing up in a single parent household and now being a single mother myself, has unlocked some of the most powerful things about me and the woman that I am becoming.


I never chose to be a single mother, but my decisions have led me onto this journey, and I am still making peace with it. As you know, both my parents and grandparents have transitioned, leaving me with a village that only God could have put together.

My village is small but mighty and consists of people that no matter what I go through, won’t allow me to fail and they are the ones that I can count on. I encourage every woman whether you are a single mother or not to develop your village. It’s important to know who you can depend on when things get rough or overwhelming. When putting together your village it’s important to think outside of the box. In my case, there are people that I thought would always have my back but when things hit the fan they were nowhere to be found. I had people that I bent over backwards for and when it came to supporting me…I couldn’t even get them to pick up the phone. The most shocking part is there are people that show up for me that I never expected to and they keep showing up and those are the type of people you want apart of your village. 


I don’t know where I would be without the people God has placed strategically in my life. I could never imagine raising my children alone without the support of others and I am grateful. No matter what your situation is whether it’s good or bad people will find a way to judge you. They will look at the fact that I am a woman operating with my children alone and say, “I feel bad for you,” or “I just know your struggling.” When I am put in a situation like this, I must be very careful how I respond and remember these are people who know nothing about what happens in my life behind closed doors. Yes people, I have my struggles, but I am not struggling, and I am not a struggling mother either. Having the support I need has allowed me to reposition myself so that I am able to move forward in life. I went from being employed to laid off to being stable in a career that God has given me. I also went from having to depend on others in certain areas of my life to no longer needing their extra assistance. I took steps to come out of the darkness that I was in and it’s truly by the grace of God that I am able to.


My children and I are not without and shame on anyone who feels we are behind closed doors suffering. Do things get hard? Of course, and I would be a bold face lie if I told you they didn’t. I will say this though, everyone in my village works and when the daycare is closed, things get rough, and decisions must be made. Despite my situation, I am not the woman to subject myself or my children to negative treatment just to keep or have certain help around. My village has filled gaps that without them, I don’t know how certain things would get done. I have people that I can call to send diapers and clothes if I need them too or give me breaks so I can sleep in peace. I have people that when life happens or my work schedule gets in the way they will take and pick my children up from school for me. I also have people I can vent to and just laugh with and that’s what a village consists of. I am very careful about who I leave my children around because all help isn’t good help and I need no pity when it comes to raising my girls. I am surrounded by people who love and care for us and it’s genuine. Yes, my load is heavy, I manage my career, school and my children and I’m only one person but…it’s worth it. Getting to the next level in life requires dedication and patience and I have my village to thank for being a part of every step I take towards elevating.

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