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Sleepless Nights

Updated: Jun 29, 2022

One thing I most certainly forgot about is the excessive crying and lack of rest. I had traded in my full eight plus hours of sleep per night for a nap here and a nap there. Pray for me.

Losing Sheba was certainly a blow, but I really had to put my best foot forward and stay focused on the kids and maintaining the household. I was still dealing with the emotions of Milly and trying to balance everything was a struggle. Not only that, but Love Bug was experiencing colic! When I say I was going through it...I WAS GOING THROUGH IT! This was the time I certainly needed help. I was not sleeping, up for days at a time and Lord knows trying to take a shower everyday was a fight I was losing. I mean, I could not put Love Bug down for nothing, she cried nonstop-all day long. Not only that, but I was breast feeding and kept forgetting to eat. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it was just I literally was so busy that when I realized I hadn't eaten, the day was nearly over.

The colic phase lasted for almost four months and during that time, nothing I was doing to even try and stop her from crying so much was helping

Emotionally, I was a wreck. I was losing myself and felt helpless. My family was still dealing with the loss of my grandmother and out of everybody, I only had four people I could really depend on and only two were available to help watch my daughter. The colic phase lasted for almost four months and during that time, nothing I was doing to even try and stop her from crying so much was helping. My neighbor from next door, would bring food from time to time for Amilyah and me just to help take some of the stress and pressure off of me. I could have cried every time she came over because I was beyond happy to see her. I also had a friend of mines that would come over twice a week to watch Love Bug just so I could sleep. I'm not a drooler but every time she came over, my pillow was done for.

My support system was not what I was expecting but the Lord made a way, and it was comforting. I mean, I really had to humble myself to receive the help and blessings that really pushed me forward with my child this time around. I had agencies that I really depended on, and people were pouring into my children, and I left and right. Over time, my neighbor and I became really cool. This one particular time she came over to check on me and bring food and I hadn't slept in days; I was a walking mess. Things got even worse when my friend Jasmine called to let me know she wasn't able to come for the second time that week throwing me into the 6th day with no real sleep. Once my neighbor grabbed my daughter, I headed straight to the shower and the wall. Yup, I was so drained that I literally fell into the wall as I was walking to the bathroom. When my neighbor saw that, she decided to stay the night so I could focus on myself and recoup. That phase in my life was really hard. Once I finally made it to the shower I cried and cried as the water ran down my face. I felt like a failure and that I had let not just one but both of my daughter's down.

Hearing your child cry all day long, does something to you especially when you can't help them

The bathroom was my private place. I could cry, hide and take a breather all at once, the moment I closed that door. I could not tell you how many times I would have my mini breakdowns, get my face together and walk out that door smiling. Superwoman at her finest. It was just by the grace of God my neighbor found out how to keep Aniya quiet-white noise. My daughter loved the sound hearing water run and that my dear friends... is what saved my life. For the first time since I had her, I was able to put her down and do things around the housed just as long as she heard the sound of water running. I would put my phone on "Do Not Disturb' and let YouTube play all day. The sound of white noise was not the cure, but it was a start of finally be able to rest without having to call someone over to help me. I didn't go through colic with Amilyah, so the fact that this was happening to me was an experience that blew me away. When Love Bug finally grew out of the excessive crying and fussiness, she was four months. The joy I was having when that phase was over was beyond me because that is something I wish on no mother or father to have to go through. Hearing your child cry all day long, does something to you especially when you can't help them, but I made it, and I have no one but my neighbor and the Lord above to thank for pushing me through.


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