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Updated: May 30, 2022

Had I known things would have been like this, I most certainly would have made better decisions. Who would have known a few hours of my absence would had led to all of this.

Once I picked my daughter up from my cousin's house, I headed home. There was no way my best friend would allow Sheba in his car, so my plans were to go home, take a nap and drive my car back to my cousin's house. Now I must admit, I didn't go straight back. I decided to adjust to have my newborn in the home, eat, take a nap and then go back to her house. Big mistake!

The moment I got good into my sleep, my daughter came busting in the door and all I heard is Sheba is gone. For a moment, I just starred at her because I could not comprehend what she was telling me. Once I stood up and gathered my thoughts, I asked her to repeat once more what she was telling me. My cousin took her outside to use the bathroom, she tied her up to the fence and from there... things went left. Sheba somehow slipped out of her collar and took off. Our family dog escaping was nothing new, we lived in the neighborhood for over forty years so her doing that was no surprise because everybody knew her, and she knew her way back home. The only problem this was.... she wasn't at home; she was somewhere else and out of territory.

My mommy said she wasn't going back to look for Sheba. At that very moment everyone in the car was silent and the tension grew great

Sheba left and wasn't able to find her way back home. The shock and guilt I instantly felt. That was the second time in my entire life I had lost a dog. I instantly got up, threw back on my clothes and asked my neighbor at the time to ride with me over my cousin's house. I felt terrible because my daughter was in tears, and I was to blame. I blamed myself because instead of trying to "relax," I should have gone straight back there, and I didn't. When we got to my cousin's house, she tried to explain what happened but in the middle of her talking, her son busted her. "My mommy said she wasn't going to look for Sheba." At that very moment everyone in the car was silent and the tension grew great. I couldn't believe he said that and yet I was grateful for the truth. At that moment, there was nothing she could say to smooth things out. I explained to her that Sheba was out of territory and although she leaves and always comes back, she wouldn't be able to do that from her house. Sheba was lost and my gut told me we weren't getting her back.

We drove around my cousin's neighborhood for an hour looking for our lost family member. My daughter was so hopeful, but I knew the end result. Our dog...the one we had for over twelve years-was a goner! A hour was nowhere near enough time to look for her, but I had the baby, so I couldn't be out to long and plus it was HOT! Once we left, the chances of us even finding Sheba went down and I didn't have the heart to let my daughter know that. We continued our search, talking to people, showing pictures and even searching through fields but no Sheba. My daughter didn't want to leave and neither did I, but we had too. The silence filled the car, and no one had a word to say. My daughter cried and cried shaking her head at the fact that her very own cousin lost our dog and refused to go look for her.

Going home without a major member of our family was heartbreaking. We added and lost at the same time. Outside of my little Love Bug crying and making her noises, the house was quiet-to quiet! A few days later my cousin did reach out and apologized and admitted she should have gone to look for Sheba. Things happen and mistakes are made but that situation? Never should have went down the way it did. I lost one of the two things I inherited when my mom transitioned and that's hard to deal with. For months, Milly was hurt and angry about Sheba and even though it's approaching a year later, she's still sad about that and from time to time, she'll come to me crying with a broken heart I still struggle to mend.


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