Society wanted me to feel embarrassed or shamed for being a single parent but to me, some of the strongest and brightest come from single parent households.
I had to get over myself and embrace my reality. In a perfect world, there's mommy, daddy and kids but what about the reality where there's just: Daddy and the kids, mommy and the kids or just the grandparents and the kids? Society rarely focuses on those realities and makes, "what it should be" what it "has to be." and I think not! This is real life and in real life, everything isn't all glitter and gold.
My daughter was on the way and boy was I nervous! It took everything in me not to feel awkward or embarrassed about doing a baby shower with no dad around but it was what it was. One of my dearest friends, Ray would always say, "Don't act like one of those women who walk around like she don't need a man! Out here having a baby shower with no daddy. You know better than that!" LOL!! Every time he went to talk about me, it would bring me to tears laughing. Ray knew I was way better than the men I was dating so when things would go left, he would always come with the jokes.
I did whatever I had to do to take the attention off James not being around. I even did my baby shower invites a certain way and even though I'm sure it was obvious I was doing this alone-I was super excited to have this shower. Due to COVID, I had to have a drive by baby shower and that was perfect for me. Short and straight to the point.
I had a ball shopping and putting together my event. Actually, I did everything the day of. It wasn't intentional, it was just...things were hectic around that time and it just ended up being that way. Don't get me wrong, I was freaking out but I pulled it off thanks to my good friend Shari. Man, we where all over the city, I honestly didn't think she could drive that fast! We went to dollar store after dollar store searching for decorations, we changed the color scheme at least four times. Things had gotten to the point where we were like lets just pick out something nice. We finally ended up at Party City, stayed there a while running from isle to isle taking pictures and picking out girl decor. From there, we went to the grocery store- we had no time for food just snacks. I mean we were really pushing it. Aniya's god parents were meeting us at my house with the tables and water and that...was my set up.
Amilyah didn't know what to do, we had her in the back seat with several balloons and cup cakes. By the time we made it to my house, it was 2:15pm and the shower started at 3. The god parents pulled up literally ten minutes after us and we were rushing to set things up. It was a mad house but we had so much fun doing it. Despite the banner that kept falling everything looked perfect and just as expected, the first person did their drive by at 3:10. Talk about being on time. What was meant to shame me and embarrass me... actually turned out to be one of the most greatest and most fun moments of my adult life. I shopped and put together a whole baby shower in three hours LOL and I did it all with my really good friends.
Believe it or not, my baby shower was a pure success! My heart was completely overwhelmed by the amount of gifts and money I received for Aniya. When I say I CRIED! I CRIED! All of my friends were laughing at me but who cares. Even my co workers made sure I had everything I needed and to think... I was going to do everything myself. I'm certainly slow for thinking that. The shower was over at exactly 5pm and people respected that. The only one's who actually stayed were my friends. Having them around even longer made me feel not so alone. My neighbors from both my right and left side came and added to the excitement. Before I knew it, there was loud talking, adult beverages and of course you know who (Ray) had to talk his ish to everybody. What a night it had turned into.
I went from feeling awkward to who gives a shit! within minutes of starting my day and it felt pretty damn good. I was blessed. Due to everybody that saw fit to give, I didn't have to buy my daughter anything. Zero. Nothing. Even the money I received would take care of her whole Winter. Praise God! No, I wasn't one of those women acting like I didn't need a man but I most certainly was one of those women who didn't let the absence of a male define her or stop her from making sure her child had. BOOM!