The Gift

It's nothing like having an unexpected gift. A gift that will not only change your life but inspire you to take that big leap of faith for all the right reasons.

Well, I'm finally able to confirm what it is that I'm having. Even though I'm not a doctor, I strongly feel I am having a boy! That's right, I'm going with my gut feeling on this one. I even told my daughter Amilyah, the new addition to our family is her baby brother. Even though Milly didn't seem too thrilled about it-I was. I finally did it. I have my girl and I have my boy. I even gave my daughter the pleasure of choosing his name and guess who she got to help her? her dad! Yes, those two went back and forth with each other to come up with the perfect name and they did. Christian Jamir Cobbin. Even though I wanted a different middle name, I was out numbered, two against one. I spent every moment talking and singing to Christian, planning a life for my children and I was the highlight of my day, despite my odds. I even told my grandmother who was in rehab at the time to get ready to babysit. Lol. Everything was coming together without James. Don't get me wrong, a child will always need his or her father but what's the point of including that person when their actions show they don't want to be around?

She gave me the shock of my life. Nothing prepared me for what she told me and once again, just like that, I dropped the ball.

Today was the day! I would finally meet with the high risk doctor and get my beautiful ultrasound pictures of my baby boy. My OBGYN had already warned me about Dr. Stanson. He was stern, straight to the point and had absolutely NO personality. He was very concerned about me being pregnant with a tumor and made it his business to express the benefits of an abortion. An abortion I made very clear I was not having. His job was to see me through all threats to my pregnancy and I had no problem reminding him of that. Despite our different views of not terminating the best part was yet to come and I was ready. After spending what seemed like hours with the sonographer, she finally congratulated me on my baby girl! I literally just froze. What happened to my boy? How did he... turn into a she? She literally gave me the shock of my life. Nothing prepared me for what she told me and once again, just like that, I dropped the ball. What made matters worst is she asked how did I figure I was having a boy and I told her about that good ole gut feeling. I was so in shock that I asked her to check again and that's when my daughter busted it ride open for us. She made her point known...she was indeed NO BOY!

After processing what I was told, I left. I made it all the way to car and sat there a while. All that time I've been calling my she a he and I had to figure out how I would break the news to Amilyah.

I finally made it home to break the news to Milly who was surprisingly extremely happy. A little to happy if you ask me. So happy that she started running and doing flips through the house. Don't get me wrong, I was happy as long as the child was healthy. Bringing life into the world is a blessing but let's face it-I can't do hair! Oh my, you should see me trying to braid. Trying to part and even do swoops! I was devastated but then again, I eventually made peace and looked forward to being a #girlmom. As a matter of fact, having another girl was great for me. I know what to do with a girl and even though things would be hard, it wouldn't take me completely out of the game.

Within no time Milly and I came up with the perfect name, Aniya Denise Cobbin. I knew my mom would be thrilled so it was only right I gave my daughter her middle name, Denise. Even though James and I had stopped talking, I did let him know he had a baby girl on the way. I mean, that was the least I could do.

I wasn't sad about this decision, more so excited because I was finally positioning myself to live out my dreams and what my heart desires.

After spending time preparing for my child to come and getting over one of the biggest shocks of my life, I made a decision that I was actually happy to make. I decided to leave my job. I knew I had to and it was more than just about being pregnant. I had things to do, a bigger calling on my life. See, the job that I had been at for six and a half years was merely in the way. Actually, being pregnant gave me the push I needed to finally let my job go. I wasn't sad about this decision, more so excited because I was finally positioning myself to live out my dreams and what my heart desires. I didn't even want to fight to try and stay because even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Who would help me with a newborn while I worked Monday through Friday 2-10pm? I was in transition and I had to stop fighting the change. I was excited for the new things that were to come and even though I didn't have my mom, I most certainly had my grandma.